Story of the Month

Each month we will publish a new story from the Lightning Association archives. A new story will replace the old one around the beginning of each month. If you don't want to miss any, keep checking in. (We're in a small Lightning time warp at the moment hence the delays in updating but we hope to get back to real time shortly.)

The Story of the Month Archive - Feb. '03 to Sept. '05 inclusive.

October, 2005

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?

During the Singing Swixties, the RAF experimented with a 'new' apprenticeship training scheme. The idea was to train 'system fitters' for forthcoming complex aircraft such as TSR2 and foist such young men on the service combat squadrons after three years of intensive but monastic training. These days, it is generally considered that the RAF Technician Apprenticeship scheme of the time was the brainchild of a deranged, but about to retire, Senior Officer in the Educational system.

Thus it was that two young Scots were posted to 226 OCU (Operational Conversion Unit) RAF Coltishall for Lightning improver training after having passed out of RAF Cosford along with some thirty other young hopefuls as Electronics Technicians in the rank of Corporal. At Coltishall, a fairly sensible scheme of things was in place, and the young corporals found themselves spending time in each of the servicing bays learning about the various and multitudinous black-boxes, the Firestreak missiles and the AI23 radar.

One year at Coltishall came to pass before such neophytes were even allowed to touch an aeroplane, then they were dispatched to 1ASS (1 Aircraft Servicing Squadron) in the role of Flight Line Rectifiers (aka Line Wreckers). Their mission was to quickly turn around minor defects on the flight line as the aircraft were turned around between sorties. Bigger 'snags' would, of course, be handed over to the infinitely more competent hangar fitters. Typically, such rectification consisted of fuse replacement, small black box replacement and the occasional need to remind a pilot of a correct switching sequence, show him how to correctly plug in his PEC (ejection seat Personal Equipment Connection.) or even clip the aforementioned seat-stick-interface around the ear.

One bright and sunny morning, our two heroes debriefed an experienced pilot who 'insisted' that his main radio (ARC52) was refusing to receive incoming transmissions. The allegedly authoritative biodegradable cockpit processor had even gone to the extent of entering such words onto the Form PS2 (pre-diluvian ancestor of the F720). In consequence, our heroes were soon at the aircraft, one in the cockpit wearing a headset connected to the seat PEC portion, the other on the wing with the ARC52 test set plugged in and a headset connected to the test set itself.

The pair were well versed in the ARC52 and its test set, having trained on both at Cosford as well as when in the radio bay at Coltishall. That day, however, they were a little bemused as they attempted to carry out receiver gain and sensitivity tests. Nevertheless, cursing confusedly at each other through headsets, they persevered. Until, that is, the corporal in the cockpit became aware of an irritating flashing light.

Squinting against the sun, he soon realised that the Aldis lamp on the air traffic balcony was being aimed directly at him. Frowning, he passed his eyes around the cockpit and switches which he knew so well, selected Violet Picture (the UHF homing sub-system) and noted the position of a flag on the ILS indicator. Then he punched both 'press to transmit' buttons a couple of times before his eyes focused intently on the radio control box, realising with horror that the frequency knob was on stud 1 (Air Traffic Local)! Following a hastily contrived sequence of bitter obscenities, our cockpit seated hero immediately turned off the main radio.

"What the #### was that for?" the wing mounted hero demanded. "And what the #### are you sweating like that for?"

"The ######'s stuck on transmit, you ####!" the cockpit mounted perspirer rasped through gritted teeth. "And the ###### is on stud 1!"

"Oh ####!" groaned the wing mounted and now perspiring corporal technician.

Having replaced the ARC52 and suitably tested the system, our heroes returned to the flight line hut, completed the necessary paperwork and awaited the summons to SATCO (Senior Air Traffic Control Officer) which was sure to follow. Fortunately, however, that worthy was in a charitable mood, especially as there had been no inbound traffic to be upset by an ether full of expletives, and his staff hadn't had such a laugh since the last such occurrence!

The author, some 30 plus years on, still working with Fast Jets and still clipping the odd pilot around the ears, was in the cockpit of Lightning F.1A XM180 that sunny morning and thus wishes to remain anonymous. The other went on to fly helicopters.

Last update: 19 December, 2005